Maxims for Everyday Life: 5 Insights from La Rochefoucauld
Pithy advice from French nobleman and writer François de La Rochefoucauld
François de La Rochefoucauld was a French nobleman, writer, and one of the most influential thinkers of his day. La Rochefoucauld was a zealous conversationalist and prominent figure within the French salon culture. In the 18th century, salons were the epicenter of cultural innovation and philosophical discussion. Think of these social gatherings like the local barbershop or even X/Twitter — but with a lot more intellectual insight and less depravity. Various members of nobility would regularly meet to discuss the political and ethical concerns emerging out of the Enlightenment period. In order to engage, one had to be well-studied and ready to cordially discuss all matters of human conduct: love, friendship, loyalty, politics, and so on.
As a frequent and esteemed attendee of these salons, La Rochefoucauld became an astute interlocutor and moralist whose examinations of human nature, behaviors, and unconscious desires lead him to write down hundreds of maxims, which he later assembled into his famous work Maxims and Reflections. Within this epigrammatic work are a plethora of apothegms and practical nuggets of advice regarding passions, virtues, becoming a conversationalist, and living an ideal life. These are typically the type of whimsical quotes added to Pinterest boards and reposted by Stoic-bros, but I find La Rochefoucauld’s pithy observations to be even more grounded and actionable.
Below I’ll share some of my favorite maxims along with commentary on how I conceptualize and apply them to my own life.
1. Don’t Excuse Yourself From Greatness
“We are more able than willing; often we imagine that things are impossible because we want to excuse ourselves in our own eyes”
You’re cutting yourself short. How many times do you admire the wisdom or skill of someone in your life and resign yourself to the belief that you are incapable of such thing. “I could never run a marathon”, “I could never learn a language”, “I could never *fill in the blank*”, and so on. What La Rochefoucauld suggests here is not to chase the impossible per se, but to not excuse yourself from the greatest heights in life simply due to a lack of effort.
Leave the bleachers for once and enter the arena. It’s comforting to imagine that an individual you admire possesses some special gene or secret that allows them to overcome the same intimidation and adversity that lies ahead of you. There’s no virtue in shrinking and retreating back to what’s safe. Pursue the limits of your abilities in whatever you field you desire and no longer excuse yourself from that opportunity.
2. Listen First, Speak Second
“One of the reasons why so few people seem reasonable and attractive in conversation is that almost everyone thinks more about what he himself wants to say than about answering exactly what is said to him. The cleverest and most polite people are content merely to look attentive — while all the time we see in their eyes and minds a distraction from what is being said to them, and an impatience to get back to what they themselves want to say”
Ever been in a conversation and while the other person is rapid-firing at you you’re formulating your own rejoinder? Me too. Those types of arguments and conversations always fade into oblivion. Neither person comes out the other side gaining anything.
The obvious truth about being an engaging and interesting interlocutor is that you must learn to listen first. Beyond simply committing your full attention to your partner in this tête-à-tête, you must be willing to see the world from their perspective. Seek to understand the frustration, the excitement, the confusion or whatever they may be articulating. Allow empathy and understanding to craft your response rather than serving up an emotionally charged harangue.
Even in daily conversations I’ve found immense benefit from simply reciprocating interest. Be curious. Ask questions. Engage in the other person’s thoughts or passion in the same way you wish they’d engage in yours. Erasing distractions and showing the other person that you care goes a long way within any conversation. You’ll also appear as a much more attractive person to speak to. Who knows — by listening you may even learn something or change your mind.