Hard Times Do Not Create Strong Men
How suffering and mental toughness have become a religious doctrine for men
Ice baths, mental toughness, and obsession have become pillars of masculinity in recent years. A desperate scramble for validation and self-importance along with a belief that personal development requires a consistent, heaping dose of suffering. But where do we draw the line between healthy adversity and vainglorious masochism? Is there a clear distinction?
The Hard Times Create Strong Men Fallacy
“Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. And, weak men create hard times.”
This inane quote has been championed by prominent, masculine figures, talking heads, and podcasters, yet few care to mention that it originates from a post-apocalyptic novel written by novelist G. Michael Hopf. No, it’s not found in a fiery, galvanizing Winston Churchill speech or inscribed on ancient papyrus as an indelible truth. It’s just a quote that sounds good, but that’s patently false.
I get it. It sounds tough as hell. But it’s obviously not true. A glancing look at history will tell you that hard times create scared, resentful, and bitter men. Did WWI create a better generation of men in Germany? Did the psychological trauma and strife of any war make better fathers, husbands, and men? Do ‘good times’ create weak men or is it feckless, negligent, misguided men that create the weak men and hard times?
The problem with this quote is that it’s a blanket statement with scant evidence. It’s a way of romanticizing hellscapes and justifying a horrid existence. One can find personal growth or resilience through their abusive past without deeming the abuse necessary. Much of this stems from a religious belief that everything happens for a ‘reason’ and that this nebulous ‘reason’ is always a good one. I don’t think a starving prisoner in the Soviet Gulags would find solace in the suggestion that this is the “best of all possible worlds” as Voltaire’s naive character Candide once said.
Now that’s not to say that moments of adversity aren’t character builders, but the glorification of ‘hard times’ and pain-worshipping is an irresponsible and groundless perspective.
Useful Adversity vs. Prideful Masochism
There’s an important distinction between useful adversity — hardship that strengthens your fortitude — and prideful masochism — self-imposed pain done for vainglory.
Let’s take ice baths for example. Most studies suggest efficacious results are achieved with sessions ranging from 3-8 minutes and a temperature between 45°F to 60°F. However, that’s just simply not enough for the ego-charged dude bro. Once the sessions become extended to 10 minutes at 35°F, it’s no longer about health benefits — it’s about self-aggrandizement. The same goes for pushing yourself to puking during a workout or purposely under-fueling on a run to train ‘mental toughness’. All of this is just ego masturbation with no practicality.
On the other hand, I’m a staunch advocate for useful adversity. This typically comes in the form of self-imposed hardship or discomforts. The primary goal here is excavate deeper into your pain cave by spending bouts of time in deep discomfort and overriding your emotions — ignoring the voice that persistently nudges you to quit. By doing this consistently, you’ll develop a higher tolerance for suffering, which becomes valuable when life happens. This leads me to the other form of useful adversity which is undesirable, uncontrollable life experiences: job loss, break-up, financial struggles, grief. These situations force you to cope, analyze, and persevere leading to greater emotional and physical resilience. You don’t need to train or impose these upon yourself. Life tends to take care of these on its own. These inflection points can be leveraged for personal growth without romanticizing their occurrence.
Can past trauma or hardship make you into a better person in a way that you don’t regret? Sure, it happens. But it also leaves many people broken and leads others to suicide. The old proverb “spare the rod and spoil the child” has some merit, and Lord knows I’ve had my fair share of spankings that kept me in line as a child, but that doesn’t mean I need to physically punish my kids to instill good behavior in them. An individual doesn’t require ‘hard times’ in order to become a strong man or woman. Anecdotes are great, but they don’t justify a generalization that a troublesome upbringing is ideal for good times.
To be clear, a gray area can exist between the two. But to decipher which you’re partaking in, ask yourself whether the imposed stress has substantiated benefits or whether you’re simply chasing external or internal validation of how tough you are.
Main Character Syndrome
Lastly, it’s worth mentioning that another driving force behind this performative, masochistic behavior is what we’ll colloquially call Main Character Syndrome. This attitude is not mutually exclusive to men, but it’s especially inculcated and invigorated within hypermasculine circles.